Fear can shape us

For a year my middle daughter has been begging her daddy and I to sign her up for gymnastics. Watching her cartwheel at every opportunity and looking at the calluses on the palm of her hands, from climbing the monkey bars at school, makes it obvious how much she loves gymnastics so this year, 2014 we finally gave in!

Her first night proved to be a challange as she did not know anyone and said her hands were so sweaty it was difficult to do some of the tasks she was asked to do. I could tell by her quiet shy demeaner that she was not having the thrilling time she had imagined. Later that night she said, "mommy I am not sure I want to go back, it was hard and I don't know anyone which makes it harder." I assured her I understood and would talk with daddy about the following weeks class.

Her dad and I agreed that it was important for her to try again and not give up because of fear. We wanted to encourage her to follow thru with her commitments. When the night of the next class came her daddy had a long talk with her about the importance of commitment and follow thru while encouraging her that after she attended a few more classes she might grow to really enjoy the class. We know she loves gymnastics and is built with great strength and balance. The fear and hesitation comes into play when she has to be placed in new surroundings with unfamiliar people and then be asked to do things that challenge what she is comfortable doing.

It occurred to me watching my daughter fidget with her fingers with tense shoulders, that I could really relate to what she was experiencing. I have played the role of the fearful girl, or 20 or 30 year old, who was so nervous about being put in a new place knowing no one. How scared I have felt about moving to a new state, attending meetings at the school where I knew not one other parent. The week before she had started gymnastics, I had skipped my first mommy and me class with my son because I let fear hold me back to attending a new environment for him and I to meet people, and now here I was pushing my daughter to do better than I had done.

Tears ran down my little seven year old's face, she did not seem receptive to us pushing her. Daddy and I reminded her that it is because we love her so much that we have to push her to do this and then nudged her to get dressed because it was time to go, time to face that fear.

I sat and watched with reservation; how would she respond? Would we leave early? Soon her body seemed to relax and I saw her chatting with another girl in line. Then she was asked to go up to the front of the class to show the other girls how to hold a position. On the way back to her spot, she glanced my way with a short smile that said it all, she was actually starting to enjoy herself, the fear was diminishing. On the way home she said, "mommy I liked it better this time." I was beaming inside, but played it cool and replied a simple, "I'm glad."

That night before she went to bed she came out to the living room and wrapped her arms around her dad and said, "daddy I liked it and I'm sorry I thru a fit. Thank you for loving me enough to push me to go." her very surprised dad replied with a smile, "your welcome, I'm glad you liked it."

I was so moved by her big grown up words and understanding to what we were trying to teach her. I was proud to see her fight thru that painful fearful place and come out feeling joy. I was also very convicted about my own choices; things I had not done in the past and then there was the my mommy and me class that I had been avoiding. What example have my actions taught my daughter ? I thought. She is only a child and was able to face her fears, what is my excuse? I knew better but allowed my fears of the unknown to justify my actions to shy away from good things.

Well, not this time! The next week, inspired by my brave seven year old, I attended my first mommy and me class and was pleasantly surprised how well everything went and how much I enjoyed myself. My older girls are 7 and 9 and I figured I already knew the mommy and me stuff and didn't need to attend another class, but my son had a great time and showed me how important it is for him to socialize and for me to be reminded of what life with toddlers is like. The class was more important than I had realized.

As I drove home from that first class I realized that my understanding about the class along with the  feelings of joy and gratitude I was experiencing would have all been missed if I had said no, and said yes to fear. Such a reminder we are all created so similar and whether 7 or 34, we have fears, we doubt and too often let discouragement win.

Fear can shape us just as much as our surroundings, teachers and loved ones. The choice is in who we follow, what we allow to lead and guide our steps. "Thank you God for loving me so much to push me and teach me and for using my own children to do the shaping."