Recently I was asked what my word for 2014 will be? Words are a big deal to me, so it took some time to narrow it all down to one word......hmmmm.
I long to do so many things. I remember being 20 sitting in my dorm room at college day dreaming about who I would be in my thirty's, what I would be doing. There was a very clear and detailed picture in my head. The picture was a collage of images that I hoped for, a future bursting with life, a life filled with people I loved and there I was in the middle of it all enjoying every opportunity to serve, laugh, grow and truly live. I had such promise, my entire life ahead of me, the vision was all mine and it was beautiful.
Fifteen years later I am standing in that vision. I have grown up, however so much more growing to do. Only 30 days into the new year, and it is proving to be a very motivating and reflective year as I will be turning 35! So I ask myself does this picture, this life, look anything like the one I created in my mind over a decade ago? .....
Nope, it sure doesn't because in many ways I was not capable of dreaming big enough. I could not have prepared myself for all the places God would take me, or the amazing people who He would bring into my life. At 20 years old, I did not realize how strong I could be or how big my faith could grow to be. Never in a million years could I have imagined the amount of pain along with the abundance of joy that I would experience with such gratitude. Who knew the risks I could take or the adventure that I would get to be a part of, I certainly did not.
No, the picture in my mind at age 20 looked very different than the scene I am living in now. Missy looks a little different than I pictured her, but I am really okay with that because it has taught me to think bigger, hope for more, expect the amazing and to love who I have become. The picture looks different, but I am still in it, and it is still beautiful.
Now, at 35 I am looking ahead again to what the years will bring. I am painting a new picture in my mind. However this time I am taking hold of what I have learned and choosing to be very intentional with my days, that I may continue to be the girl that God has designed, the girl I have grown to like so much. I want to be used, filled with joy and pursue every dream I have inside of me.
So, my word for 2014 is intentional because I believe being intentional is the discipline of connecting the gap that lies between God's plans and my dreams.....and I am dreaming big!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Fear can shape us
For a year my middle daughter has been begging her daddy and I to sign her up for gymnastics. Watching her cartwheel at every opportunity and looking at the calluses on the palm of her hands, from climbing the monkey bars at school, makes it obvious how much she loves gymnastics so this year, 2014 we finally gave in!
Her first night proved to be a challange as she did not know anyone and said her hands were so sweaty it was difficult to do some of the tasks she was asked to do. I could tell by her quiet shy demeaner that she was not having the thrilling time she had imagined. Later that night she said, "mommy I am not sure I want to go back, it was hard and I don't know anyone which makes it harder." I assured her I understood and would talk with daddy about the following weeks class.
Her dad and I agreed that it was important for her to try again and not give up because of fear. We wanted to encourage her to follow thru with her commitments. When the night of the next class came her daddy had a long talk with her about the importance of commitment and follow thru while encouraging her that after she attended a few more classes she might grow to really enjoy the class. We know she loves gymnastics and is built with great strength and balance. The fear and hesitation comes into play when she has to be placed in new surroundings with unfamiliar people and then be asked to do things that challenge what she is comfortable doing.
It occurred to me watching my daughter fidget with her fingers with tense shoulders, that I could really relate to what she was experiencing. I have played the role of the fearful girl, or 20 or 30 year old, who was so nervous about being put in a new place knowing no one. How scared I have felt about moving to a new state, attending meetings at the school where I knew not one other parent. The week before she had started gymnastics, I had skipped my first mommy and me class with my son because I let fear hold me back to attending a new environment for him and I to meet people, and now here I was pushing my daughter to do better than I had done.
Tears ran down my little seven year old's face, she did not seem receptive to us pushing her. Daddy and I reminded her that it is because we love her so much that we have to push her to do this and then nudged her to get dressed because it was time to go, time to face that fear.
I sat and watched with reservation; how would she respond? Would we leave early? Soon her body seemed to relax and I saw her chatting with another girl in line. Then she was asked to go up to the front of the class to show the other girls how to hold a position. On the way back to her spot, she glanced my way with a short smile that said it all, she was actually starting to enjoy herself, the fear was diminishing. On the way home she said, "mommy I liked it better this time." I was beaming inside, but played it cool and replied a simple, "I'm glad."
That night before she went to bed she came out to the living room and wrapped her arms around her dad and said, "daddy I liked it and I'm sorry I thru a fit. Thank you for loving me enough to push me to go." her very surprised dad replied with a smile, "your welcome, I'm glad you liked it."
I was so moved by her big grown up words and understanding to what we were trying to teach her. I was proud to see her fight thru that painful fearful place and come out feeling joy. I was also very convicted about my own choices; things I had not done in the past and then there was the my mommy and me class that I had been avoiding. What example have my actions taught my daughter ? I thought. She is only a child and was able to face her fears, what is my excuse? I knew better but allowed my fears of the unknown to justify my actions to shy away from good things.
Well, not this time! The next week, inspired by my brave seven year old, I attended my first mommy and me class and was pleasantly surprised how well everything went and how much I enjoyed myself. My older girls are 7 and 9 and I figured I already knew the mommy and me stuff and didn't need to attend another class, but my son had a great time and showed me how important it is for him to socialize and for me to be reminded of what life with toddlers is like. The class was more important than I had realized.
As I drove home from that first class I realized that my understanding about the class along with the feelings of joy and gratitude I was experiencing would have all been missed if I had said no, and said yes to fear. Such a reminder we are all created so similar and whether 7 or 34, we have fears, we doubt and too often let discouragement win.
Fear can shape us just as much as our surroundings, teachers and loved ones. The choice is in who we follow, what we allow to lead and guide our steps. "Thank you God for loving me so much to push me and teach me and for using my own children to do the shaping."
Her first night proved to be a challange as she did not know anyone and said her hands were so sweaty it was difficult to do some of the tasks she was asked to do. I could tell by her quiet shy demeaner that she was not having the thrilling time she had imagined. Later that night she said, "mommy I am not sure I want to go back, it was hard and I don't know anyone which makes it harder." I assured her I understood and would talk with daddy about the following weeks class.
Her dad and I agreed that it was important for her to try again and not give up because of fear. We wanted to encourage her to follow thru with her commitments. When the night of the next class came her daddy had a long talk with her about the importance of commitment and follow thru while encouraging her that after she attended a few more classes she might grow to really enjoy the class. We know she loves gymnastics and is built with great strength and balance. The fear and hesitation comes into play when she has to be placed in new surroundings with unfamiliar people and then be asked to do things that challenge what she is comfortable doing.
It occurred to me watching my daughter fidget with her fingers with tense shoulders, that I could really relate to what she was experiencing. I have played the role of the fearful girl, or 20 or 30 year old, who was so nervous about being put in a new place knowing no one. How scared I have felt about moving to a new state, attending meetings at the school where I knew not one other parent. The week before she had started gymnastics, I had skipped my first mommy and me class with my son because I let fear hold me back to attending a new environment for him and I to meet people, and now here I was pushing my daughter to do better than I had done.
Tears ran down my little seven year old's face, she did not seem receptive to us pushing her. Daddy and I reminded her that it is because we love her so much that we have to push her to do this and then nudged her to get dressed because it was time to go, time to face that fear.
I sat and watched with reservation; how would she respond? Would we leave early? Soon her body seemed to relax and I saw her chatting with another girl in line. Then she was asked to go up to the front of the class to show the other girls how to hold a position. On the way back to her spot, she glanced my way with a short smile that said it all, she was actually starting to enjoy herself, the fear was diminishing. On the way home she said, "mommy I liked it better this time." I was beaming inside, but played it cool and replied a simple, "I'm glad."
That night before she went to bed she came out to the living room and wrapped her arms around her dad and said, "daddy I liked it and I'm sorry I thru a fit. Thank you for loving me enough to push me to go." her very surprised dad replied with a smile, "your welcome, I'm glad you liked it."
I was so moved by her big grown up words and understanding to what we were trying to teach her. I was proud to see her fight thru that painful fearful place and come out feeling joy. I was also very convicted about my own choices; things I had not done in the past and then there was the my mommy and me class that I had been avoiding. What example have my actions taught my daughter ? I thought. She is only a child and was able to face her fears, what is my excuse? I knew better but allowed my fears of the unknown to justify my actions to shy away from good things.
Well, not this time! The next week, inspired by my brave seven year old, I attended my first mommy and me class and was pleasantly surprised how well everything went and how much I enjoyed myself. My older girls are 7 and 9 and I figured I already knew the mommy and me stuff and didn't need to attend another class, but my son had a great time and showed me how important it is for him to socialize and for me to be reminded of what life with toddlers is like. The class was more important than I had realized.
As I drove home from that first class I realized that my understanding about the class along with the feelings of joy and gratitude I was experiencing would have all been missed if I had said no, and said yes to fear. Such a reminder we are all created so similar and whether 7 or 34, we have fears, we doubt and too often let discouragement win.
Fear can shape us just as much as our surroundings, teachers and loved ones. The choice is in who we follow, what we allow to lead and guide our steps. "Thank you God for loving me so much to push me and teach me and for using my own children to do the shaping."
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